Reservoir Cats - 3

Bobinette: Bonjour everyone – can I ‘ave a word with you cats
Tabby & Fluffy: Hissssss – Bobinette you don’t like us and we don’t like you.
Tabby: You can’t even prounounce the “h”.
Bobinette: Of course I can in my way, but we cats from the French part of Switzerland speak mainly French. I am actually quite gifted in foreign languages after living in Italy and in the Swiss French mountains. It is true that we are not friends, but we all ‘ave the same problem and I think it would be a good idea to put our ‘eads together and talk about it.
Nera: Now listen cats, Bobinette is right, we do all have the same problem and its name is Grey, Mr. Grey.

Tabby: The problem is that Mr. Grey leaves his mice laying around, Bobinette doesn’t like them any more and me and Fluffy have to clear them away. Where is your problem Nera?
Nera: My problem is that if you 3 don’t do the work properly, then I have to go and see Big Tom and tell him why. And we all know that Big Tom can be quite mean with the cats that don’t follow the rules, so does anyone here have any ideas?
Bobinette: Well I think I might have a solution. You know we ‘ave to get Mr. Grey in trouble with Big Tom.
Tabby: And how do you think you are going to manage that? He is No. 1 son after all.
Fluffy: Well perhaps we could put orange peel in front of his cat flap to stop him coming out.

Nera: Brilliant, where do you find fresh oranges in Autumn and if Mr. Grey feels ill when he smells oranges because he is a cat, how are we going to feel if we find the orange peel. Any volunteers to carry it in their teeth to Mr. Grey’s cat flap?
Tabby: Fluffy that was a bit of a stupid suggestion. Christmas would be a nice time for smells of food, like roast turkey, if it wasn’t for the tangerines that the humans have laying around everywhere.
Nera: Tabby life is not only eating and sleeping, we have problems to solve. We can discuss the Christmas menu at another time.
Bobinette: I ‘ave a suggestion. I notice that your ‘umans put catnip in the garden. I ‘ave spent many a ‘appy hour laying in your catnip.
Tabby: I noticed – flattening it down into the ground and none left for me.

Fluffy: so what does our catnip have to do with keeping Mr. Grey out of our territory.
Bobinette: I saw that there are many gardens ‘ere with catnip so I thought we could collect all we can and leave it outside Mr. Grey’s cat flap.
Tabby: What good would that do – do you want to bribe him with catnip?
Nera: I think I know what Bobinette means. Tabby and Fluffy keep quiet and let Bobinette do the talking.
Bobinette: Thank you Nera, I will continue. If we collect enough catnip we will put it in front of Mr. Grey’s cat flap in the evening before ‘e visits ‘is father Big Tom. Mr. Grey will be so ‘igh on catnip that it might be ‘e is a little bit drunk when ‘e meets Big Tom.
Nera: and if it is one thing that a cat mafia boss cannot stand is members of his gang being drunk on official business. I will have to go with Mr. Grey when he visits Big Tom to make a report on the cleaning process and will probably have to lead the way as a cat high on catnip doesn’t walk in straight lines any more.
Fluffy: And when you have gone with Mr. Grey we will hide the evidence.
Tabby: Yes, that no-one finds the catnip afterwards.
Bobinette: If anyone keeps the catnip it will be me, after all it was my idea and I have a few customers in Italy when I go on my next trip next week with my ‘umans.
Tabby: Bobinette, I though you were a cleaner, now I see that you are actually a dealer.
Bobinette: I ‘ave many friends in Italy, we ‘ave spent many moonlit nights together sniffing catnip and talking about old times.
Nera: Tabby, Fluffy, just stay cool. We are planning to ruin Mr. Grey’s reputation and not start a catnip dealing ring in the Swiss countryside. You just have to play sweet with Mrs. Human and there will be catnip planted again in the garden next Spring. In the meanwhile you can sniff around the ground where she plants it. The smell remains for some time and in Winter when it snows and it’s cold we don’t go out into the garden so much.
Fluffy: Unless Mrs. Human feeds the birds. Then it’s fun.
Tabby: So keep to the subject, when is Grey going to see dad.
Bobinette: That will be tomorrow night, it will be full moon and they always go at full moon.
Nera: Ok cats, get busy and gather the cat nip.